Birthplace: City, State, USA
Date of Birth: 00/00/00
Tony is one of the very few guys who have successfully "married" into the ranch. The beloved Portugee, John Correia, is the only other one that comes to mind. So I'd say he's in pretty select company already. He was married to our cousin Arlene, liked to hunt and so was invited out to do so. Well, that's the easy part and that's where it usually ends. But Tony has been around for some 30-plus years now and I guess we're stuck with him.
Is it his charm? Unlikely - Tony has a way of complimenting you with what most people consider "fightin' words". Is it his wardrobe? I don't think so - he's tried everything from a full-length mink coat to oxford dress shoes to a gay Italian cowboy hat, two sizes too small (to make him look even bigger I guess) and none of it has gone over that well - wearing all 3 at once probably was his only shot at really making a statement, but he didn't think of that. Let's face it, he's no Lamont Foletta! Is it his orneriness? Could be - once the bear has come into the tent, it's best just to let him make himself a bed and try to stay out of his way.
Actually, Tony has mellowed substantially over the years and we have all come to know his sweet side. He's metamorphosed a few times too - from the 'Hulk', holding a glass of red wine in his hand and sucking on a cigarette, to a 140 lb., vitamin-eating teetotaler. And from a devout atheist to a confirmed Christian. Somehow, he has remained lovable through all these incarnations, just as ornery, but lovable. Still Tony.
Maybe the secret to his longevity is a combination of attributes - he's always been straight-arrow honest, reliable, supportive, generous and true to his principles. His competitive appetite used to be saved primarily for heated political discussions. Since he's pretty much worn everyone out with that, he now seems to be concentrating on the horseshoe arena and, I must admit, he's become quite adept at it. It's unlikely that he'll ever conquer the Wrights in head-to-head competition but, still, quite adept.
Following are some quick observations sent in by our Foreman to help round out the picture of this man we call Tony:
- He's been known to change his weight based on the pasta import quota
- The first few times he came out hunting, he was outfitted for Alaska wilderness until the sun came up
- His evening political discussions would make Rush Limbaugh look like a liberal
- He's always liked Bill and Hillary
- His mind is as easy to change as the rotation of the earth
- After we are already "three sheets to the wind" opening weekend, he arrives late and wants to do Wild Turkey shooters
- Known for bringing his smoked cheese, licorice, and other candy
- His middle son is a fawn killer and his youngest son was f_ _ ked up when he was young.
I'm sure they're all meant as compliments and I'm sure Tony will take them as such… just as I'm sure he'll wave to me again as I drive by to go shoot his deer instead of shooting at me.
Love, Anonymous 2003
